... & OTHER ODDBALL STORIES

Once we were playing out in western Canada and were at the Alec Arms, one of our favorite places to play in Lethbridge, Alberta. Brent came up to the rooms and was waving around a brand new American one hundred dollar bill. We, of course, wanted to know where the hell he got it, because at that point in our careers we only made $90.00/week. Brent told us that he had met a guy in the bar by the name of Vern who had asked him if he wanted a drink. Never one to turn down such an offer, Brent had ended up spending the entire afternoon drinking at Vern's expense. At the end of it all, Vern had said, "Here man, this is for you." and gave Brent a $100 U.S. bill. Well, of course everyone wanted to be "Vern's friend", and within a matter of days, everyone had their own $100 bill. Vern would sit in his corner of the hotel drinking Bloody Marys all day long, the only time he would leave the hotel would be to buy a fourty ounce bottle of Vodka for after the show so he could continue drinking after the bar closed down.

He told us that he had been a tail gunner on a helicopter in Vietnam and that when he returned to the States his brother and himself had robbed a jewelry store of $80,000.00. He had spent 6 years in prison and now he was out, had the money, and was on the lam, being persued by bounty hunters from the United States. He was on his way to Kingston, Ontario to join up with his partner who was just being released from the Kingston penitentiary.

On the Saturday afternoon Brent came up and asked us if we minded if Vern rode with us from Lethbridge to our next gig in Portage La Prairie, Manitoba. From there he was going to go to Winnipeg to catch a train to Ontario. For the ride he said he would supply all the booze for the trip. The band wasn't too keen on the idea, but we all thought, "What the hell, what could happen?" Well, lots as it turned out!

Vern drank all day in the hotel and by the time we were ready to leave, he was hammered. He bought a "Texas Micky" for the trip (one of those gigantic bottles of booze you see at the liquor store that only alchoholics would buy). We drove across the praries all night long, and Vern drank all the way. About six o'clock in the morning I looked over at Vern, and he was leaning back in his chair with his eyes rolled back and the whites showing. I started shaking him and saying "Vern!  Are you alright?" Suddenly he wakes up and starts having a Vietnam flashback. He reaches down and pulls a revolver out of his boot and starts waving it around the van shouting, "I have to fire off a couple of rounds!" I'm thinking, "God help us get out of this alive!" We stop the van and Brent and Paul get outside with Vern (who still had the gun). Paul has the game plan that he'll get Vern to fire all his bullets and then take the gun, and Brent had the exact opposite plan of trying to get Vern to put the gun away. Because they can't talk to each other, they're out there arguing totally opposite viewpoints. Finally Vern puts the gun away and gets back in the van and says, "Sorry, man. I kinda freaked out back there. Tell you what, I'll buy you supper when we get to town." We drove in relative silence the rest of the way, and when we finally got to Portage, there was only one restaurant open because it was Sunday, a CHINESE restaurant. We no sooner get seated when Vern starts yelling at the waitress, "Hey, you f#%!kin' gook, bring me the menu!" I stood up and said, "That's it. I'm leaving before you embarrass me to death". Everyone else at the table is telling Vern to shut his mouth too, and finally he does.

By now everyone wants to get rid of Vern, but nobody wants to say anything because they realize he's a friggin' nut case.  We can't get rid of him. He keeps hanging around, but finally by the end of the week he leaves, and we all breathe a sigh of relief. I was sure this guy was going to kill one of us. But it was not to be the end of Vern. When we return to Ontario, who shows up at Brent's appartment? You guessed it, Vern! He pulls a knife on Brent and holds it up to his neck and says, "Hey man, you're my friend, so I'm going to off you!" Brent's girlfriend Beth is crying her eyes out, and somehow Brent gets Vern to let her out of the apartment. Then he wrestles the knife away from Vern and kicks him out.

But still Vern returns! The next night we were playing in London, Ontario at Fryfogel's Inn (the same night we did the famous spagetti shot for Kerrang magazine). Vern shows up and demands to see Brent. Brent calls the cops, but by the time they come, he's gone. We didn't hear anymore from him for two years until one day we were having a meeting at our office in Kitchener when we received a phone call from Texas. It was Vern. He asks to speak to Brent, and when Brent gets on the line he snears, "I'm going to kill you, you little f#!%kin' faggot!" Then the line went dead. That was the last time we ever heard from Vern.
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